After a year, I'm still not used to being here in the office. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't.

It's been a while since my last post. It's been almost two years.

Looking back to my last post I laughed at myself and thought crazy things that happened in the past two years.

I got back again with him. Yes HIM. The one that I wrote in my previous post, 2 years ago.

We are engaged. We are getting married :)

Hello, it's me again.
Now and forever I will always love you :)

I might act casual and I might treat you the same as I treat other friends.
But trust me,
It's always been you who is on my mind.

I saw a pregnant woman walking barefooted up and down the crossing bridge, I was thinking "where the heck is the husband?"

Another day I was waiting at the bus stop full of passing and polluted vehicles when I saw  another pregnant woman coming out of public transport and still thinking "why would her husband let her do that?"

Then I came across my sister-in-law who just gave birth today. She's been carrying her baby for months but still manage to do many things single-handledly. Even last week when her belly was just too big to let her walk she still forced herself to go to stores and buy groceries.

I guess it's a thing about being a mom (or mom to be). And it's a thing about love, and family.

My brother trusts her that she's still capable of doing whatever she feels like because she knows she's still strong enough. And she trusts my brother that if anything happens he will come straight and be in aid, but before that, let everything flows just the way it is. Maybe it's the same as the two pregnant women I saw earlier. Maybe their husbands trust them that they will be safe knowing that they cannot always be there for them. They trust each other.

Maybe this is what marriage is all about. 
It's about trust.
But above all, first and foremost, we trust God that we can rely upon Him.

I'm going to study further. Or start fresh to be exact.
I will apply to design school
Probably in Japan.
No, it must be in Japan
I will be an illustrator and work in an animation house.
Could be at Walt Disney, Pixar or Dream Works.
I will probably have to do Internship first.
Maybe in some manga house
As a drafter perhaps.
I will do some awesome drawing
Prepare my portfolio
Sketching non-stop, doodling here and there
Transferring all my shit on paper
Creating storyboard, learning to use drawing software.
Then I will make magic with my hand
Tell the world that this is not just some kids stuff they see on TV
This is art.

They say writing your dream will help you gather energy to pursue them.
I hope so.

I have the habit of repeating an unfinished song because I zoned out and didn't appreciate it at the first time.

They say when you write down your wish, there's a big chance that it might come true.
So here I will write my wishes.

I want to be fluent in Japanese so I could pursue my education further in that Land of the Rising Sun.

I want to see you, whoever you are, the one destined with me, in one of the street in Kyoto,
under the cherry blossom tree in Spring,
by chance,
I see you like a boy sees his favourite toy
You see me like a girl see her favourite flower

I want to go to Enoshima Island,
to the love lock bridge
I will write on the padlock,
"To my future children, Mommy will always love you".

Then Disneyland. With my best friend,
To fulfil our childhood fantasy,
our silly promise but never taken for granted

I want to get married,
with you. Whoever you are.
I hope you are as weird as me
And we find each other in the same signal of weirdness
Because if I'm ever lucky enough to find a weirdo, I probably will not let them go

I want to go for Hajj.
Fulfilling my religious duty, visiting Your house.
Asking for forgiveness
To the stupid mistake I did last time I came to Your house.
And for all my sins, before and after.

I want to make my parents happy.
And prove them that they have raised their children right.
Not perfect, not flawless.
Flawed enough to let us make our own mistakes
Imperfect in choosing our choices
Getting consequences, fail
And try again.
Thank you for teaching me to say thank you
To be kind to others, to be tough on yourself.
Thank you for the love.

Last but not least,
When everything is said and done.
When every choices are choosen
When we leave this Sekai
I want to go to Jannah. 
To the house of the Pious

though I know I'm not worth it.

.